How to overcome shyness? A frequent question, whether from people who feel some fear of someone else’s judgment to those who suffer in a limited way the difficulty to socialize in any environment.
Every human being requires socialization for their survival, we are gregarious entities that need to establish relationships of various kinds with others. The problem occurs when our emotional and psychological conditions limit us or prevent us from socializing at all. One of those problems is shyness, which for those who are shy represents a greater challenge when making contact with others.
Shyness is a personality trait that limits the development of social life in the daily occurrence of individuals; and although it cannot be considered a condition, it has such a weight in the behavior that conditions interpersonal relationships, which reduces, or even blocks, the social and effective performance in life. This, of course, can have emotional alterations in those who live with shyness.
Do shy people hate people?
Contrary to what one might think, timid people do not want to be alone; they do not want to isolate themselves because they like to avoid others or do not want to relate. Those who are shy do not know how to overcome this condition and dare to enter into social relationships; well, sometimes, for him or her, it is a greater effort than itself.
The inability to approach others and establish social relationships, however basic, generates a feeling of frustration and, sometimes, aggression against themselves for not being able to achieve what they want.
Not being able to establish relationships, there are also feelings of helplessness, fear and – especially – distrust of themselves and their environment; what is projected abroad as insecurity and shame.
How do I know if I am a shy person?
- Timid people have difficulties to strengthen relationships, which makes others consider it not very sociable and little effective.
- Emotionally, their attitudes and behavior show rigidity with little capacity to adapt to the different social situations they experience.
- They manifest a persistent fear in social situations or public performances, which generates a high dose of anxiety and blockage.
- They avoid at all costs situations that expose them to the judgment and criticism of others, they lack the sense of ridicule and suffer before the idea of others judging them.
- They know their limitations, they recognize their fears, but they are unable to do anything about it because the very idea blocks them.
If something in particular distinguishes a person shyness is his inability to have a functional and enriching social life, something that goes beyond his will.
The timidity in the long run, will affect not only the social life of the people but it will begin to reduce the emotional health, affecting subjects like the self-esteem, the effective attachments, the relations of couple and the labor performance.
Shy or introverted?
We should not confuse shyness with being introverted; Introversion implies a biological basis of personality, while being shy has to do with the mechanisms of social relationship that the person presents.
The brain of an introverted person has higher levels of excitement and sensitivity than those of an extrovert, which explains why they prefer not to expose themselves to noisy situations and stimulants.
How to overcome shyness? 6 keys to do it
Being a personality trait, shyness can be overcome through tools and strategies that allow you to live with it, without limiting socialization or affecting other areas of your life and emotional health. Here are some keys to achieve it:
- Severe self-criticism, not be so hard with himself: a shy person who fears the judgment of others is usually because he himself is judged harshly and reproves herself for what she is. It would be necessary to work with their self-esteem and self-forgiveness.
- Social situations with authenticity:no one is expecting us to be what we are not. Therefore when we give ourselves permission to be the way we are, without rigid judgments about ourselves, we can be authentic and flow with the situation, generating even a more honest image in front of others. Let’s stop thinking that others think about us all the time or judge us always.
- Learn to identify those thoughts that limit you: a large part of what limits us when establishing social and interpersonal relationships are the thoughts that generate us a priori and that can lead to crises of anxiety or even depression. Identify the thoughts that make you feel limited to face contact with others and seek help to have control of these thoughts.
- Accepting challenges under new social situations:when you have identified the thoughts that generate anxiety in front of the possibility of a new situation, you can also evaluate how certain those thoughts are and you can confront them with new realities to deny them. Accepting challenges will allow you to develop skills for new actions in public.
- Work more self-knowledge and strengthen your self-esteem that will help you stop worrying about social acceptance.
- Practice social skills in an environment of trust (with family or close friends): Put your social skills to the test with practice in front of relatives or close people. Have conversations where you talk about new topics for you, keep eye contact, develop your body language, express your ideas and emotions…